First June Blog

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First June Blog. 6-6-15.

M. I. A.

Yes, dear friends, I have been apart. Things have been hectic, demoralising and downright awful. But enough of that. If I continue to let the powers that be take me down, I am really not being true to myself. I am nothing, if not a fighter, though the walls of Jericho have suffered great breaches of late.

The better part of these recent times is that I have written a very short story for one of my Groups. The subject? Well, I am not going to divulge at present. That would not be fair on the Group and the Moderator. Suffice it to say that I based the story on a subject hitherto not touched on by myself.

It is not a huge piece. Not taken a word count. ( not sure that is possible on an Ipad) probably around 1,200 words or so. I kind of lost count, and I am not going through it again. My eyes are playing up as it is. In any case, no one needs a tome for one of these pieces. I think that this size ( whatever it really happens to be), is enough.

It was a beautiful warm day yesterday. But I had other things to do, so could not get out to gather up garden rubbish and start my tan off for the season. And of course, today, it is overcast, slightly on the damp side and enough not to let me be outside. A pity, but I cannot go against the weather. I do have more to do inside, however slow that might be, so my time will be utilized. Have already started in that vein. Found more packets of old photographs, some of which need to be snapped. Ones that might be blog useful, others, just for memory sake. Couple of nice ones of parents, off the cuff, not posed. I do wish they were here now. ( Eyes watering).

Must try to get out of this depressive state, for no good can come of it.

Chains That Bind.

Far from the madding crowd,
Is Thomas Hardy’s cry.
If only I could be so bold,
If only I could try.
Removing from a sentient world
Where others do not tread,
Where sanctuary is a special word
That wipes away the dread.
I fear the strangers calling,
The power they portray,
Understanding, not their style,
With grinning smile they say,
‘We will help you, do not fear,”
And yet they earn no trust,
But I shall have to take their word,
Yes, woefully, I must.
Behind the one, a fearsome beast,
A blackness, shadowed veil,
For I must do their bidding,
Work hard, I must travail.
And in that seething mass encroach
It comes upon a time,
I must fulfill my quota, yet
Or land in thick, quick lime.

Copyright Evelyn J. Steward. June, 2015.

Thank you for your continuing kindness is reading my tentative thoughts. Be good and be careful quote “out aming the English”.

Evelyn

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9 thoughts on “First June Blog

  1. Thank you Jenanita01′ bless you. It still goes on, I fear. But thank you tor the lovly comment. A bit dour, but that is how I feel, at present. A black mood envelopes!!!. Bless you.
    Evelyn

  2. Another lovely poem Evelyn. Sorry you have had trials. Me too. Hard to keep struggling. More gentle things today. Sunny here for a while. Hope you catch time for a tan. Nothing like lying in the sunshine.

  3. Evelyn, my mum 93, had just said to me that she missed her mum terribly. She died a few weeks later. So my grief is raw. My father died 20 years ago. But so missed. I often look at elderly people and wonder how much grief they are bearing. People expect them to know how to cope because we are old and experienced but it is far from the truth. So I understand you welling up when you look at their photos. Going through old photos is a mixed blessing. I wish your internal candle more light. May you shine. X

  4. Sorry it has beena few days, but thank you for reading and replying Daisydown. Bless you. Indeed, I think some of us can cope, most of the time. Then whammo, something really hits, and coping is no longer possible. All one can then do is curl into the proverbial ball, and try to survive. Losing one’s mother or father is hard, so very hard. Dad went suddenly, shocked me to the core back in 1986. Mum wnt downhill, they had been married 61 years. Mum passed in 1994′ then my brother also passed two years later. I lost one aunt shorly after, cousins and and then the other aunt early 2,000s. Now others, not related, but people I knew are all going. Need strength.
    Take care and thnk you again for reading my blogs. Nice to know comrades are out there. Bless.
    Evelyn

  5. Sorry, I missed the rest. Please keep struggling and coping. It is worth it in the end. Sun keeps trying to shine but not doung such a good job today and the breeze had a bite to it, yet again! I wonder when I will be able to get back to editing my novel???? Sigh!
    Evelyn

  6. Evelyn, so sorry to hear you are down and I know it is difficult to fight. I horde photographs and have vast albums full, but it is sometimes very difficult to stay positive when you see so many people you love who are no longer here. My husband almost banned me from them, but I found a new viewpoint and now build scrapbooks for my children filled with pictures and memories of mine and theirs that I hope will make keepsakes for the future. It’s a way to look forward, instead of back. I may not always comment, but you are often in my thoughts.

    • Oh Lesley, thank you do much fo your very kind eords. I do appreciate them. I am so pkeasef you read my blogs too. I know you are busy? I am down for other reasons, but old photos can take you to sad places too. But your thoughs nd kind words can be very helpful. Bless you.
      Hugs,
      Evelyn

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